My time here is nearly over (for now at least).  Six weeks has passed in that meandering way that is both slow and fast at the same time. A friend of mine, Lynette, has been with me for the last 10 days and together we have experienced the highs and lows not just of Cambodia but also of spending time intensely with another human being.

Lynette arrived from the freezing cold of England and so I took her off to defrost and relax at Sihanoukville, the top Cambodian beach resort. We arrived late at night and so stayed in a guesthouse close to the main town, however after a night of experiencing the loudest rain storm I have ever heard- we were under a corrugated metal roof- which had the effect of amplifying every raindrop into a marching steel band, we headed for a quieter part of town- Otres beach.

One of the thing I love about Lynette is her sense of possibility, I would’ve got onto the back of a tuk-tuk or moto and been driven to the beach. Lynette however had other ideas- we wanted to go to a beach and we were on a beach, so logically the way to get there was to get a boat. No matter that no boats go that way, in Cambodia, as in most parts of the world, there is a universal language that makes most things possible, and no it’s not smiling sweetly (although that never hurts) The universal language of the dollar….So a couple of conversations later Lynette and I found ourselves setting sail, or rather outboard motor, for Otres beach.

Otres beach is the wayward child of Sihanoukville, the bungalows and bars that line the shoreline are on constant high alert of being pulled down by the government so that an exclusive hotel can be put up instead. Apparently this imminent threat is treated in a similar fashion to those people who live in the shadow of a volcanoe- it’ll probably blow up one day but until then we’ll just get on with living.

Our time at the beach could be seen as one huge beauty session. Small platoons of women patrol the beach armed with every beautifying treatment known to womankind. (Those of a sensitive nature may choose to move onto the next paragraph….)I had my first encounter with threading- a fantastic depillatory technique which involves twirling some thread over any errant hairs that may have the misfortune of popping up their heads onto any exposed skin. It’s an interesting experience to have a bunch of women you don’t know earnestly scrutinise your body and then run their hands up and down your legs to determine your hairyness quotient. After some aghast exclamations over the state of my armpits I was shamed into letting them thread these sensitive parts and sorely regretted it later when my armpits felt like an army of red ants where dancing a conga under my arms…At one point Lynette and I had about 10 women around us, a couple expertly threading us and the rest no doubt saying to their mates in Kymer “She’s a hairy one isn’t she” which would account for all the giggling…

It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to the children, especially some like Bon Tuen who has become a dear friend. Recently I’ve been having Khymer lessons from them and enjoying their delight and amusement as I try to form sounds which are far removed from any language I’ve previously learnt.

Lynette and I were just talking about how much this country has opened our hearts and our minds. The sweetness and kindness of the people, the warmth of their smiles and the easy flow of their laughter. As I leave tomorrow I’m sure that for me this is “A bientot” and not Adieu.

I arrived tightly woven, protected, tight

Slowly, surely your warmth has unfurled my petals

Let me open and receive, relaxed my stiffness

Soften in your charms.

Sweet charming maddening Cambodia

I resist no more. (If I even ever did)

I have now been in Cambodia for three weeks and am definitely in love. It’s not a love that all could appreciate- the chaos, the noise, the dirt, the unwalkable pavements, the traffic that collides from all angles, the incessant call of “You want moto? Tuk-Tuk?” and yet I do, I am.  I love all of the above because there is such a vibrancy found in them all, a pulsing heart. Yesterday I went for a walk and said “No” to countless offers of tuk-tuks and motos and was amazed to discover that when I said “no” with a smile every single tuk-tuk driver gave me a dazzling smile back.  I wondered why it was this should strike me as remarkable and decided that it was the human element- that although our contact had been based on a potential transaction (me getting a moto or tuk-tuk) when I had said no but had smiled at them I was not dismissed (no transaction- no point wasting any more effort) but rewarded with a very connecting smile- almost like “Ok we don’t do business, but we can still enjoy our connection” Not something that happens a lot in England…

For New Year I went to Siem Reap, the town closest to Angkor Wat and as such a huge tourist haven. Angkor Wat is the largest man-made devotional building in the world and draws millions of visitors every year. The morning before leaving I ate some food at the orphanage- big mistake. I arrived at Angkor Wat feeling decidely peaky and then decided to display my appreciation for this amazing achievement of man’s devotion to God/Buddha by throwing up on its front steps. Not something I recommend. I spent a lot of my time at the temples sitting down, taking it easy and sleeping a lot. Luckily I went with Jessica who was extremely happy to take the time to capture what she was seeing in watercolours.

Siem Reap is much prettier than Phnom Penh and yes, I was charmed by her river dotted with fairy lights, by her calmer roads, her profusion of bars and restaurants and yet….there is something artificial and manufactured about her; nearly everthing geared towards the tourist pound and little evidence of life outside of this. So this is where attraction and love have little connection with logic and for me my heart lies with the dirt and the noise of PP over the manufactured Siem Reap. Maybe it simply comes down to the fact that its the Cambodian people that I’m in love with and you get a whole lot more of them in PP.

Jess and I did try out one of the stranger experiences that Siem Reap has to offer: having your feet exfoliated by a bunch of tiny fish. Basically the fish nibble away at dead bits of skin on your feet and twenty minutes later you emerge with softer, less manky feet..A very strange experience marketed as “Fish make funny, happy time” (Could be equally applicable to the Happy Pizza parlour next door…) and yes it was.

Tomorrow I take some of the kids out on a tuk-tuk into PP. Even though they live 15 mins away from the centre they haven’t seen it. One of the highlights will be taking them to a shopping centre so they can see the escalator. Apparently when the centre first opened here it was packed full of people wonderstruck with the escalator, treating it like an amusement ride and riding it up and down over and over again.  These are the reasons I love this country…

I have been couch-surfing at Mariam’s and yet Mariam herself is not here. She has left me in charge of her home whilst she has gone to the States and since I have been here for nearly a week now I have “hosted” 8 different couch surfers from Germany, US, CZ and UK- all in a 1 bedroomed appartment! (Truly experiencing life Cambodian style) However luckily for me I got to have the one bedroom whilst the others shared the balcony and Astrid even slept on the kitchen floor….

Today I experienced another particular flavour of Cambodian life: the inability of many of the moto drivers to read maps or know where they are going. This resulted in a journey that should have taken 20 mins taking 70 mins and a huge amount of traversing of Phnom Penh with me saying “go this way” and my moto driving ignoring me and carrying on regardless. He seemed to rely upon the fact that if he drove around enough of PP then eventually we would happen upon the place I was going! He was also very pleased with himself when he found street 178- never mind that I actually needed 187- he had the numbers right!

Yesterday I  found out that despite the fact the orphanage is only 15/20 mins away from the centre of PP most, if not all the children have never been to the city centre itself- so now I have another plan brewing- hiring a tuk for the day and taking 6 of the older children for a day out to see their own city. I am getting so much pleasure being able to participate and watch the children have new experiences and I have definitely seen some changes in some of the children: one particular girl was very withdrawn the first week I was with her (apparently she was sent out to beg by her Mother) and now she can often be spotted with a smile on her face. So many of them simply want to be held and cuddled and its something I love to do very willingly.

Tomorrow I go to Siem Reap for New Year’s Eve. I’m looking forward to seeing something of Cambodia apart from PP and seeing the countryside too. Siem Reap is where Angkor Wat is found- the world’s largest religious monument and the plan is to be there to see the sun rise on the first day of 2010.

Wishing you all a wonderful end to the year and a fantastic New Year!

The amazing thing about these children is how generous they are with each other- there is very little sense of “ownership” of things, they tend to watch out for each other and genuinely share what they do have.  It was so great to be able to give these children a wonderful experience and we received so much in return, the other couch surfers I was with were all in tears when we left.

We then moved onto the next part of the day which was a full-on British Christmas dinner for 35 people from all over the world all of whom were couch surfers. Couch surfing has been around as an idea/group of people since 2003. The basic principle being a spirit of openness and generosity of opening up homes to people who are travelling through and giving them a true taste of the country/city. Niall and George truly excelled in creating a unique and amazing Christmas. I don’t think either of them realised what they were creating when they had an open house for all people passing through Phnom Penh. A loose idea then became a full scale production involving finding tables/chairs/turkeys/ovens/cutlery/glasses etc etc for 35 people. For two days beforehand we were peeling and chopping vegetables and the turkeys were being prepped until 1am on Christmas Eve. What was amazing was seeing a group of people who were on the whole complete strangers coming together to produce a magnificent feast….A very inspiring and heart warming event.  The meal itself was tremendous- full on turkey with stuffing, roast potatoes, broccoli, mash, carrots, sweet potato, gravy followed by apple crumble and custard! A huge thanks to all involved.

Earlier today I went to visit one of the “must see sights” of PP- the Royal Palace. A vast complex of ornate buildings and temples housing the Royal family. It includes one building- the silver pagoda- which lives up to its name by having its entire floor made of silver and overbrimming with gold and silver buddhas studded with diamonds. I very quickly reached saturation point in my ability to look at any more buddhas and went and sat in a shaded garden. There I started chatting to a local guy who invited me back to his place (or I kind of invited myself- no sense in being shy!) and I went….

Now before my Mother hyperventilates with this shocking behaviour I do need to explain that the guy in question was actually a local monk and I went back to his pagoda where he lived with 90 other monks…Saffron robed monks are a constant feature of PP they often travel in pairs begging for alms from the locals, who donate money and food and receive a blessing in return. To go back to the pagoda I shared a mini-bus with about 8 other monks- the inboard entertainment was a cartoon version of buddhism, which the monks seemed to find hilarious.

Once we got to the pagoda I was taken up to his shared quarters and found myself surrounded by lots of semi-clad young men- when “at home” the monks remove their outer top robe and then are virually bare-chested. It was strange to find myself in a huge throng of beautiful men knowing that they have all taken vows of chastity- the temptation to check this out was very strong! (Ok enough already, the mum filter just came on…)

I found out about being a monk in Cambodia. Everyday they  get up at 4.30 to meditate for an hour, they can only eat before 12.00 each day and then after that no food is consumed, although they can drink water. All the monks I met were very friendly and had a very good command of English as studying is high up on the Monks to do list. The main thing that struck me was how easily and innocently they laughed. Very simple things seemed to crack them up and there was such a sweetness in their laughter that was very contagious. However it was interesting to note that when I went to take their photos  they immediately put on a “serious” face for it would be unseemly for a monk to be caught looking anything other than somber.

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I’ve been loving getting to know the children at the orphanage and various activities have included teaching them the words to “Twinkle, twinkle little star” (Try explaining what twinkle means!) learning to dance Cambodian style and learning the numbers in Khymer. Many of the children simply want to be held and cuddled and this is something I love to do, I often have 2 or 3 children draped across me in various strategic positions…

One thing I’m excited about is that on Christmas day I’ve organised a few people I’ve met through couch-surfing to go with me to the orphanage and give out gifts. I’m also delighted that several people I e-mailed have also stepped forward to contribute to this idea. I can’t wait to decorate the tuk- tuk and see the childrens’ faces…

On a final update I’m moving into a fellow couch-surfer’s place while she goes to the US for Christmas.  She’s a great woman called Mariam whose mission in life is to revitalise the Cambodian film industry. I’ll be staying in her flat and then acting as host to other couch surfers.  Christmas day itself will be spent with about 30 fellow couch surfers- we have all been invited to spend Christmas day with two English guys called Niall and George. Definitely a Christmas to remember…

I’ve now been in PP for 5 days and am slowly settling into the pace and way of life here. One of the things that has me constantly amazed is the traffic: whilst there are good roads and roundabouts and even the occasional traffic light there seems to be a basically “anything goes” approach to driving- as long as you can keep moving. This includes turning onto a road and driving the wrong way up it until you can move onto the right side of the road.  I’ve now been on the back of many motorbikes- the easiest way to get around -and have faced countless occasions where it looks like we are heading straight for another bike or car but then in some fluid dance they move around each other.  In a strange way I really like the way that people negotiate the roads without being compliant to outside rules or lights- there seems to be more humanity visible in this.

On my first day here I stood by the side of a road waiting to cross, after a few minutes I realised that there was never going to be an opening in the traffic to enable me to step across, I would be stuck by the side of the road for hours waiting for an opportunity; so I looked around to see how other people were crossing and I saw that they simply stepped out in front of the traffic and the traffic slowed to allow them across. The first time I tried this approach it was kind of scary but it worked and now I’m a veteran at boldly stepping out into the traffic to pass through it.

I’ve been at the orphanage every day and loving being with the children- basically playing with them, hugging them and teaching them basic English. It’s hard because the children range from 4-18 and have hugely different levels of English, so I’m finding spending more one on one time beneficial so I can tailor myself to the needs of the individual child.

Yesterday I went to visit Tuol Sleng prison museum. A quick detour into Cambodian history: From 1975-1979 Cambodia was under the rule of the Khymer Rouge, led by Pol Pot, a communist organisation that despised anything Western and intellectual. Their ideal was the farmer and in 1975 they were able to literally close down all the cities and send everyone from them into the countryside- to become a farmer and grow rice. During this nearly 4 year period around 2 million people died (a quarter of the entire population) and  many were tortured. Tuol Sleng was the most notorious of all the torture site- the place I saw yesterday. The tour consisted of seeing hundreds of faces of those that had been through the prison and seeing the places they has been kept and tortured; however for me there were two parts of the museum that stood out: One photo exhibition of a Swedish journalist who had been invited to visit Cambodia during the time of Pol Pot because he (and many European intellectuals) fully endorsed and approved of the philosophy of the Khymer Rouge, this was a time in Europe when it was fashionable to be a communist. However the photo exhibition was fascinating because the journalist documented both his thoughts at the time (which he had written about) and his present day thoughts with the benefit of hindsight. An example of this was being shown round a largely empty hospital: his thoughts at the time were – “They do have good clean hospital facilities unlike what I had been led to believe” his thoughts now were “Why were the hospitals not full with people – why did I not question this more at the time?” It was fascinating to see how this journalist had been easily duped but mainly because he so wanted to believe in the ideal of this communist dream that he discounted evidence to the contrary. I also really appreciated this account of how things are not really black and white but varying shades of grey and how this journalist was fully owning up to his falibility of the past. It was also shocking to discover that during the time of Pol Pot many Europeans were in favour of what was going on and refusing to believe anything that spoke of the brutality of the regime.

The second thing that really struck me at Tuol Sleng was a film which included a short segment with one of the original guards from the times of torture. He was a man in his 50 so he must have been a teenager/early twenties when he was working there. He spoke about killing people with a huge smile plastered across his face and how someone had “dared” him to kill someone and so he said “I showed them I was not afraid and struck a fatal blow to 5 prisoners” he said all this with a smile and with pride. This for me was probably the most shocking part of the whole museum, someone who outwardly looked like a sweet old man speaking of killing so easily and with no sense of the horror of which he was a part.

Turning to the present day and a happier subject- my couchsurfing experience is proving to be mixed- I’ve still not actually stayed with anyone yet but I have met several people. One guy who I was potentially going to stay with met me one night, looked me up and down and went “mmm” yuk! So there was no way I was going to stay with him…I’ve also met some lovely people including a couple of English guys who are throwing their home open to all on Christmas day. I’ve just suggested that some of us could go the orphanage first on Christmas day and give the children some presents- I love the idea of turning up on decortated tuk tuks and giving them presents…I’ll keep you posted.

Korean airlines and Seoul airport was very much like being cast into the middle of Bladerunner. Everything very futuristic and scarily perfect. The Korean stewardesses, and there only were stewardesses, all came from the same production line of perfection. All tiny in proportion, with hair immaculate and uniforms that defied gravity with neckscarfs sticking at strange angles into the air.

Phnom Penh (or PP as us locals call it) welcomed me into her warmth and soft humidity (26 c at night!) Now anyone who has spent at least two minutes in my company will probably appreciate just how glorious an experience that was for me….at last my body could release that constant state of contraction that happens for me in the British winter, always slightly bracing myself against the cold, now however my body can relax.

Day one in PP has already seen some new additions to Samina’s “Different ways to live life” catalogue. The best one being at around sunset I went for a walk near to my hotel and came across probably a couple of hundred people all doing aerobics together- all ages, I definitely saw some women in their 50′s/60′s , all doing a Jane Fonda to loud piped music.

I’ve also been to the orphanage today and met about 35 of the 60 or so children. Rithy the man who runs the orphanage was himself an orphan and has now dedicated himself to looking after other children. A very kind and gentle man. The children were lovely, all running to meet me and wanting to hug me. I brought some chocolates for them and they all bowed to me with their hands in a namaste called the sompiah. Very sweet. I hope to spend time teaching them some English. Two of them wanted to demonstrate their English to me and started counting….by the time they got to one hundred and twenty two I was vigorously congratulating them on their number proficiency in the hope that we wouldn’t need to get into the thousands…

I’m staying in a hotel to start with but hoping to investigate the world of couchsurfing (www.couchsurfing.com) Basically people from all over the world offering up their flats/couches for people to stay for free in exchange for some cultural exchange. I love the premise that people are basically kind and generous and are willing to offer up their homes to strangers. Sounds like a wonderful idea and I’ll keep you posted on my experiences of it.

It’s now 12.40am PP time- I’m still adjusting to the time difference- I’m meant to be meeting Rithy in 8 hours time…..goodnight, sleep tight.

Why Cambodia? It just seemed to emerge as the right choice for me. I wanted somewhere new (for me), somewhere where I would learn about a part of the world that I know relatively little about and also somewhere where I could volunteer at an orphanage.  I’ve done the 5 cities in 5 days, tick off the places type of travel and found it as satisfying as a meal loaded with MSG, filling for about an hour but later in the day needing something else and with very little memory of what I had experienced. This is why I’m planning on staying in Phnom Penh- the capital of Cambodia- for the majority of my time. Also thanks to a friend, Scott, I have some contacts with an orphanage where I want to spend my time.

Many people have commented on my courage in going, and whilst I am aware of the challenge in going to a new place knowing no-one, this fills me with excitement. I have a real thirst for adventure, when I travel I feel fully alive, every new day brings fresh sights, new possibilities, new places within myself to discover. And I suppose this is one of my biggest reasons for going, as much as an outward discovery I see this as an inward one. Oh- and maybe a better suntan- it will be 30 degrees plus!